Tag Archives: Takeover

The Dream is Collapsing

August 9, 2012 Spoughts 2 Comments

Today was not a good day. There has been myriad reactions to the news that came out this morning through the supporter’s trust. I’d like to make a few points about the situation, dispelling some thoughts that seem prevalent:

1) This is all LUST’s fault. BOLLOCKS! The Supporter’s Trust is the only reason this entire process began, pressure applied correctly on Bates and the club. They have been in touch with the buyers throughout and behaved correctly. They have never spread false rumours. They have kept us updated. Without them, who would have informed us? The official site, repository of ‘information’ that it is, has been more concerned with trivialities all summer. Other sources have been wrong entirely at times. The in the know twitter brigade has been at full force. Without LUST, we’d have had to deal with hundreds of different rumours. At least LUST gave us a focus upon which to pin our hopes.

2) Protest should be held outside the ground. Back the team. BOLLOCKS! We’ve currently got four players and a goat. There’s no quality anywhere in the side. Fans seem to be operating under some sort of delusion that Bates isn’t responsible for the standard of players that can be brought in. The players will not piss themselves because the nasty fans start chanting about the person who screwed them over in contract negotiations time after time. Shout, scream, sing. Make it far too uncomfortable for him to attend matches at the club he owns. I’m not advocating violence or vandalism. Peaceful protest will do enough. He’s a megalomaniac. He wants to feel he’s loved. If the majority show their dissent, Ken will not stay around.

Finally, I’d like to make two suggestions. Firstly, as my brother has said, the Southampton protest that was planned would be ideal against Wolves. No one to go into the Kop (or other stands) for the first seven minutes of the match, symbolising seven years of lies, would be an excellent protest for the television audience. It goes against much of what I enjoy at Leeds, but I think it’d work excellently. This could then be followed by seven minutes of Bates Out in the stands.

Secondly, and hopefully LUST is exploring this, protest needs to be organized as if we are members of the Arab Spring or the toppling of any dictatorship in the real world (you know, sans all the violence). We need propaganda of our own to combat that of the club – there’s value in it, as has been understood by world leaders all the way back to Cardinal Richelieu of Louis XIII’s regime in France. Leaflets, pamphlets, posters, banners, flags need to be displayed prominently. We need to disseminate information to those who do not necessarily spend all their time online through paper. The facts about the collapse. Information about how little of our money spent goes on what we love. Dodgy transfer histories.

We need a symbol. Gotham had one. Everyone has one. Can I suggest Noel Lloyd? Bring back a ghost from Ken’s past to haunt him.

Follow Amitai Winehouse on Twitter (@awinehouse1) to read his tear drenched tweets about Leeds.

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Takeover Thoughts

June 29, 2012 Spoughts 1 Comment

As I sit here eating a limited edition apple (the sort of marketing Ken Bates would love to employ on pies), I feel it is worthwhile putting onto paper, or more accurately, this new fangled ‘e-paper’ that those crazy Americans have been harking on about, what I hope for from a takeover. It’s quite odd really, I press these keys and then the words appear in front of me. Yet attempts to grab the piece of paper have merely led to a shattered screen and multiple lacerations.

Aside from the above flight of fantasy, there’s a reality underpinning all of my thoughts with regards to this supposed upcoming takeover. I say supposed, when in reality I’m relatively convinced, and have been for a good while, that the takeover is incredibly imminent. To reiterate matters that I’ve already espoused elsewhere, Ken Bates’s regime is completely and utterly fragile. At this point, it is basically impossible for him to back out and he has to sell, etcetera etcetera ad infinitum. I’ve covered this before, and today’s news from the Leeds United Supporter’s Trust simply furthers this belief. It’s an inevitability. There should now be discussion about what hopes are upon takeover.

This is not to say, however, that we should already be discussing our imminent purchase of Messi. After all, that relies entirely on our inevitable appointment of Pep Guardiola as manager, and Messi will surely not arrive before that. I, for one, am delighted at the completely realistic employment of passing triangles en masse at Elland Road next season. We should focus upon the events that have been leading up to this takeover and what needs to be done in response.

The Leeds United Supporter’s Trust (or LUST for you acronym fans) has done a sterling job throughout this takeover process. In February of this year, Ken Bates told them to put their money where their mouth is. I’m not entirely sure how oral cash storage was meant to help matters, but LUST instead decided to canvas for interest in the football club. It was clear Ken Bates was willing to sell, so they did the leg work. And when it came to interest, it turned out there was a lot. Gary Cooper, chairman of said Trust, has spoken since about the sheer weight of parties he’s been in contact with. Bates’s old suggestion that the fans and, by extension, the Supporter’s Trust, are to blame for a lack of investment in the club has turned out to be entirely false.

For any Leeds fans who are grateful and excited that Bates seems to be on his way out entirely, there’s no simpler way to give credit where it is due than by joining the Trust for free. We’ve shown what our ability as a fan base is when support or lack of support is so greatly forthcoming, and with a strong trust, whoever takes over will be required to listen to the desires of the fans and ensure we gain a greater involvement in the club.

Aside from that, we’ve obviously got the right to hope and look forward to the results of any takeover. “Dare to dream” were the words uttered today, and this is a motto that I feel should encapsulate any change in the club’s hierarchy. Football is inherently about dreams, the hope and thought that things will get better, that the next signing will come in and transform matters. Football is nothing without moments of joy. The release that the joy grants outweighs any down periods. Mediocrity and stability are one and the same, and happiness does not really come to a football fan from a finely balanced accounts sheet. Witness the displays of emotion at the Etihad Stadium upon Manchester City grasping the title. That one moment makes up for years in the lower tiers of English football.

So then, what should a takeover bring to Elland Road? Happiness, and primarily, that belief that dreams can become reality. Under Ken Bates, Leeds United feel a million miles from the Premier League. That top division, with all of its positives and negatives, seems like a different planet, populated by footballers and talent. The takeover should bring money into the club, or even just allow the club to exploit money that is already there. That should, finally, bring players of quality. Even limited by our current position as a second division side, money will bring the ability to sign players who we feel proud to see pull on the white shirt. Imagine signing names that, as fans, we have seen play for other sides and coveted. Furthermore, the dream of bringing back certain talents who have left during the Bates era becomes more realistic. A takeover bringing money that allows us to see Beckford or Gradel step over that white line with a Leeds badge upon his chest once more would be ideal. Once again, we can dare to dream that this can become reality without any caveats or negatives.

Ken Bates has brokered one other famous takeover. The word I have heard from sources close to Ken over the last year or so with regards to the ownership situation at Elland Road suggests only one word is on Bates’s mind, that being “legacy”. He built the East Stand partly because, for better or worse, people will look at that and think “Ken Bates left that to the club”. Similarly, Ken Bates apparently wants people to see the takeover as his legacy. In the annals of Leeds United, Ken Bates wants to be seen as the man who delivered us into kind hands. Even if I can’t confirm who the new owner would be, for the reason outlined above I feel it will be a positive one. One who can make dreams reality.

Follow Amitai Winehouse on Twitter (@awinehouse1)

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Takeover: The Documentary

June 15, 2012 Spoughts Leave a comment

LUTV have been granted exclusive rights to the production and dissemination of a documentary about the takeover at Leeds United. The following is a short excerpt from the full piece, viewable after a series of twenty-four adverts for Howard’s Restaurant in the free play video segment of Leeds United’s website. The rest is available for the low, low price of £72 a month. “A bargain”, says the guy who did the pricing.

[A conference room. Suited men sit at either end of a long, wooden table. Behind the camera, a door opens and closes, and in front, flustered, walks a man wearing a suit in a manner akin to a small child forced into one for a relative’s wedding.]

UNNAMED MAN

Sorry I’m late. Crazy day down at the station. We had seven listeners on one of the broadcasts.

[He seats himself at one end of the table. At the other end, clearly annoyed at the late arrival, a man clears his throat.]

THE THROAT-CLEARER

Well, now that you’ve seen fit to join us Mr. Fry, can we begin? Everything from this point on is on the record, and will enter the club’s archives. Seated in clockwise order, we have myself, the representative of *bleeped out of broadcast*, and to my left, the two lawyers representing said person. Around the table, we have Shaun Harvey, Chief Executive Officer of Leeds United, Ken Bates, principal owner and…Benjamin Fry, station director of Yorkshire Radio. Listen, Shaun, does he actually have to be here?

SHAUN HARVEY

The Chairman prefers him to be, yes. Makes him feel more comfortable.

THE REPRESENTATIVE

It’s just he keeps derailing the meetings. Yesterday he managed to drench us in ink from his pen. The day before, he somehow contrived to set the room on fire.

[Flash cut to Ben Fry in an interview set-up. He’s seated behind a desk.]

BEN FRY

I really can’t let this takeover go through. We all know that Yorkshire Radio is only here because Ken loves his weekly interview. If he goes, it goes, and I’ll be turfed out. I can’t go back to my old job.

[Home footage, dated 28/05/2003, time stamped 19:53. A stage in a Working Men’s Club. Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” plays over the PA system as some unnamed, out of focus man cavorts on stage].

FEMALE HECKLER

Come on Fry-man, take it off!

[Back to Ben Fry being interviewed].

BEN FRY

I really can’t go back.

[We go back to the boardroom. Ben Fry is taking a drink of water.]

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Well, aside from that, we have some matters that need to be agreed upon. I’ve been tasked today with finalizing the cost of the takeover, so that the funds can be transferred to our London based account within time for payment. Now, correct me if I remember incorrectly, but the last sticking point was the payment necessary with regards to any promotion to the Premier League. Have you had any sort of, movement in your thoughts about that Ken?

BEN FRY

HEY! WHO SAID YOU COULD ADDRESS MR CHAIRMAN DIRECTLY?

[Ken Bates sits there placidly. He does not seem affected. Ben Fry begins to stroke his hair.]

BEN FRY

It’ll be alright Mr Chairman. Don’t listen to the nasty man. What he meant to say, Mr Chairman, was, have you, in your infinite wisdom, decided how much money you desire when Leeds United get promoted to the Premier League, thanks to your excellent infrastructural work? After all, you deserve great credit and payment, because without corporate facilities, how would this football club exist?

[Ken looks up at him.]

KEN BATES

I want £5,000,000.

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Now Ken…

BEN FRY

Mr Chairman!

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Fine, Mr Chairman, We’ve been over this, that isn’t possible. We’re already going to have to cover your administration fees upon promotion. There’s no way we can pay that much to you. A million is our best offer.

BEN FRY

What he means, Mr Chairman, is…in your glory and honour, your greatness and your goodness, your sovereignty…will you be so great, so kind, as to accept a mere million pounds after so many years of hard work?

KEN BATES

Alright.

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Excellent, now…

KEN BATES

Are you Italian?

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Erm, I’m not entirely sure how pertinent that is, but no, I was born in Cambridge.

KEN BATES

You must have Italian blood then. Tough negotiators the Italians.

[Cut to another interview situation, this time with The Representative.]

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Is that even a stereotype? Have I missed out on that? Is that common knowledge?

[Back to the boardroom.]

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Yes, sure. So, now that that’s out of the way, we need to work on the terms of how the club will be run upon your departure. Now, from what I remember, Shaun wants to be able to stay in his post.

SHAUN HARVEY

You misheard me.

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Oh did I?

SHAUN HARVEY

I want to deliver the post. You know, around the building. I’ve got a bag and everything. It’s red.

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Right.

SHAUN HARVEY

So if, say, you need an official Leeds United mug taken to Neil Warnock, so he can have his tea. You press a button and I’d come. I’d pop the mug in my bag. Here, let me show you.

[Harvey brings a red bag out from somewhere and puts it on the table. He puts a mug in it.]

SHAUN HARVEY

Just pop it in the bag. Then I’d walk over to Neil’s office and knock on his door. He’d sign a form, I’d give him the mug, and then bam, I’ve got something to file.

THE REPRESENTATIVE

That sounds great Shaun.

[Back to the interview.]

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Yeah, he’s definitely going.

[And the conference room.]

THE REPRESENTATIVE

Also, Ken, we need to discuss some structural changes. For example, our intention would be to shut down Yorkshire Radio.

[Ben Fry rises, violently.]

BEN FRY

NO! YOU CAN’T! I NEED THIS JOB. PLEASE MR CHAIRMAN, HELP!

THE REPRESENTATIVE

*sigh* If you agree to this Ken, I’ll get the deluxe Boneless Banquet for lunch rather than just the Bargain Bucket.

KEN BATES

Hmm. Alright.

BEN FRY

NO! DAMN YOU ALL! DAMN YOU ALL TO HADES!

[Ben Fry storms out of the room.]

KEN BATES

Shaun?

SHAUN HARVEY

Yes Ken, what is it? Do you need something delivered?

KEN BATES

Who was that man?

[Cut to black. Title sequence rolls. To be continued appears at the end.]

Follow Amitai Winehouse on Twitter @awinehouse1

To clarify, the above is all fake. Caricatures and parody.